Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Love with white hair

I found this today:

"The question is asked, 'Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands, and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?' And the answer is given. 'Yes there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped. Their faces are seamed, but still radiant. Their hearts are physically bowed and tired. But still strong with love and devotion for one another.  Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love -- old love.'" (I couldn't find a source for this.)
Just after my Mom died, days after, she and my Dad would have celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary.  I have two sisters who celebrate(d) their 41st anniversary.  My best friend through high school will celebrate his 42nd this year.  For all those people, that's a lot of years and in every case, is an example of the above although, other than my folks, I don't consider any of these people old.
Occasionally, photos show up on the internet like these:

Both illustrate an old, unending love--shall we say, "true love"?

Being in love is great fun.  The burst of hormones and physical feelings is like nothing else.  Gazing into the eyes of a new beloved reflects hope, expectation, and flames.   The adrenalin surge is first and foremost  but like a match, the flame will burn out without sustenance, nurturing and attention.

I have watched, over the years, many of our young people, foster children both male and female, fall in love and get dumped and hurt and then they do it all over again. I see it happening now as I watch my daughter (14 years old) flit from "love of my life" to "love of my life " all the while lamenting over the one she lost that she "really loved". Heck, I remember it happening to me all those long years ago.

Being "in love" to stay takes work, lots of work.  Most of those foster kids are grown up now with families of their own--some have relationships that have endured, others have not.  One, in her early thirties, is about to embark on her first marriage.  I wish them all good luck and would advise them to bring 100% to what they have and give that 100% to make the love last.   It has been more than flattering that several of these young people, and others who Maryann and I have touched, have said they want a marriage like ours (34 years this year).  Trust me, and any "old marrieds" will agree with this, it isn't easy.

Don't ask me what spawned this...perhaps a conversation with my first real love this morning (yes my wife knows about her and indeed is a friend on Facebook--scary thing is they call each other "sisters"), or one with my daughter tonight.   I could go on and on but I think, with a little bit jaded Italian eyes, of the older couples walking together holding hands or dancing with a sparkle that has never left their eyes after many years together and I just plain smile.   Honore de Balzac said about love. "True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations; it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart."   And it is those who love who have white hairs that should stand as an example for us all because those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.

Blogger is really screwing up the spacing on this one...sorry about it.  Have tried to edit it to make it right many times.


  1. Tears filled my eyes as I read this. It was so beautifully written and correct in what it said.

    My love with white hair died years ago, but he still remains in my heart.

    Thank you for the fond memories of a unforgettable love.


  2. As one of those old lovers, I believe you have done us all a lovely service here. A tribute and recognition of many years of ups and downs but always holding hands on the other side. Beautifully done Larry.

  3. This is a fantastic story. One I dream of...

  4. I was 25 when I met my husband but we didn't marry until I was 32 and he's 7 years older than me so I'm not sure we'll ever get to see our 50th wedding anniversary, but I shall treasure every year we do have together. I know whenever I am out somewhere and I see an elderly couple holding hands it really touches my heart. :)

  5. My dad's 83 and he never goes anywhere without his best girl.

  6. Many years ago, my husband asked me to "grow old with him". And we have... Lovely blog about mature love.

  7. Sorry folks, I'll write responses to these comments tomorrow (Friday). I'm going to write a brief blog about today and then I have to go to bed.


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