Tuesday, May 8, 2012
As close as heaven is from hell, as far as the moon is from the sun, and sitting there right beside you. This is a paraphrase of how far apart love and hate are.
BOTH are strong emotions. BOTH are base emotions and likely, beyond the need for food and water are two of the most intense things a human being can feel.
Scientists studying the physical nature of hate have found that some of the nervous circuits in the brain responsible for it are the same as those that are used during the feeling of romantic love – although love and hate appear to be polar opposites. "Hate is often considered to be an evil passion that should, in a better world, be tamed, controlled and eradicated. Yet to the biologist, hate is a passion that is of equal interest to love," Professor Zeki (of University College London) said. There is a fine line between the two emotions and reactions to either are keenly sharp.
My wife posted a YouTube on Facebook yesterday. It was a video of Luciano Pavarotti and Celine Dion singing "I hate you then I love you" and her comment was "Larry and I are beginning our 34th year together and this is a perfect song..... Always Love...not hate, but sometimes we are allowed to not "like". But Always Always LOVE...." The song, in a nutshell says "I hate you then I love you. Then I love you and I hate you, then I love you more. For whatever you do, I never never never want to be in love with anyone but you."
I contend that love and hate are not opposites...that they are such close emotions with actions and results so similar that they are basically the same emotion-but one is positive and one is negative. How often do parents hear from children that they hate us? We know they don't, it's a spur of the moment thing usually the result of a disciplinary action or not getting their way. But do parents ever really hate their children? I think, in most cases, temporarily, yes. BUT the hate is underscored with love. As my wife often says, "I love you always but sometimes I don't like you very much."
The problem with hate is the negativity it brings with it. Negativity feeds itself and gets stronger and stronger. The more negative a person feels towards a loved one or thing, the stronger the emotion hate becomes. The only way to release the hate is to let go of the negativity and ultimately, the pendulum will swing back towards love in some manner.
This is evident in my relationship with one of my daughters (just one?). Things are said (or not said); things are done (or not done); or communication breaks down for whatever reason. I am so emotionally tied to the daughter (s) that I find myself saying, "I hate you, damn it. You can go to hell, bitch (or worse, much worse)." In the next breath I'm contradicting myself telling me "I love her." [Yes, I DO talk to myself a lot--that comes from years and years alone on the road.] In these instances, I'm allowing emotion to take over but the near immediate rebuttal with love is preventing negativity from overcoming me...God forbid that I hate any of my children.
In the animal world, you don't see hate. The most intense negative you see is FEAR. And instinctively an animal will fear something that can hurt them (or eat them) so I'm not sure that is a negative. However, when an animal loves (and this is another whole blog) a person, it is most often with unconditional love...those of us with dogs can see this daily. How wonderful it would be to live in a world where love reigns supreme.
I feel that FEAR is actually the opposite of love. Love is embracing. Fear triggers fight or flight tendencies. Hate is often bottled up inside eating away at one's pysche. Again, hate is negative. We have the free will to choose to love or hate. Love frees the soul but in a breath, can sometimes suffocate if it is allowed. That suffocation is hate...we need to breathe. We need to love.